


Recovery and Conversations

by AGL03



Series: Recovery [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Daddy Coulson, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mommy May - Freeform, PTSD, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 08:49:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5085736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGL03/pseuds/AGL03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When May returns to the base she finds her team is hurting more than she realized.  Mommy May and Daddy Coulson have a heart to heart with their scientists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recovery and Conversations

A/N: Prompt from TheLittleRogue. Hope this is what you wanted. If you have a prompt drop me a line, I love hearing from my readers. PM’s or even find me on Tumblr AGL03.  
A/N 2: I am so NOT READY for tomorrow!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

May walked the silent halls of the Playground, moonlight streaming through the windows, a single light at the end of the hallway like a beacon in the darkness. She glanced at her watch and upon seeing the time felt worry gnawing at her stomach, the last time he was up at this time of the night he was carving. Her footsteps were silent and he didn’t notice as she paused at the door.

Coulson leaned against his desk, eyes fixed on the monitors, and rubbing the stub of his arm. His hand laying forgotten on his desk. Even from there she could feel the worry rolling off of him in waves. “I should have done more,” he whispered surprising May, he did know she was there after all.

May narrowed her eyes, unsure of what he was talking about. She had been away and while in contact with him it wasn’t the level of communication they had both grown accustomed too. Coming in she joined him to look at the monitors, his comment suddenly making sense. He had pulled up the bases security footage, the stream from the lab glowing on the screen. 

What she saw broke her heart, Fitz and Simmons curled up on the couch he’d brought in for her. Fitz held her as she cried, the sound wasn’t necessary to hear that she was sobbing into his chest. His hands simply ran up and down her back, mouth moving in unheard words of comfort. May could see tears of his own working their way down his cheeks. Phil continued “He’s doing everything he can for her but I don’t think even he knows how to help her, they are both hurting so bad and its all my fault”.

“Phil,” May started and he shook his head to stop her. “I brought that thing onto the base and asked them to study it in the first place. Then after she was taken…I didn’t do enough to support Fitz. Sure in the first few weeks we dedicated everything we had too it but when the new Inhumans started popping up he had less and less. Eventually he had to resort to lying to me…Did you know he went to Morocco by himself to meet with a black market dealer”.

Though it was over and done with fear welled, despite how much he had grown, how brave or clever he was, she would always see the fresh faced engineer that first came onto the Bus. The one that had failed his field test and desperately needed to be protected. 

“May, I told him to give up…to let her go…all while she was out there waiting for us, for him, to come get her” he whispered. “And Jemma” Coulson said “Alone on a hostile alien planet for six months hunted by God knows what”.

“But she’s back now, she’s strong and will get through this. They both…”

Phil interrupted her again “It was still my fault” he snapped “Fitz begged me to open that damn box, to let him get right up close to it to see if there was something the probes were missing, and I said no. He finally broke in on his own and it was only a matter of hours before he had a lead…we had her back within 48 hours May…if I had just let him in she wouldn’t have suffered all that time”. 

May didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t been here only hearing snippets of what had been happening but also knew she would have made the same call. “You couldn’t let him open it and you know it, we had no way of knowing it wouldn’t take him as well” her voice was soothing. “They are so strong and will get through this”. On the screen Jemma’s sobs seemed to have subsided and she was looking at Fitz, his fingers gently wiping her tears away before she repeated the same action with him. Fitz nodded and rose, wrapping her up in a blanket before heading for the kitchen.

“Let me talk with her,” May said seeing the window “You take Fitz I think they both need someone to talk too right now that isn’t each other…they need to know they aren’t alone”. Coulson looked at her skeptically he had thought he’d made that perfectly clear on more than one occasion to both of them. “Andrew said she wasn’t sharing much” ignoring the raised eyebrow at the mention of her ex-husband “I have a hunch about Jemma and as for Fitz, think of it this way…he is you after Bahrain”. 

Understanding dawned with the Director and he snapped on his hand. “Okay, we had better hurry, once he’s made the tea they are liable to hole up in his quarters again and not let anyone in”.

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Fitz stared at the kettle on the stove, the first whips of steam just starting to emerge. He was exhausted to the point where he could hardly see straight. Even when he was able to get Jemma to sleep he found he would struggle, waking up after no more than a few hours in a panic that her rescue had been a cruel trick of his damaged brain and she was till gone. Yet every time he awoke she was there, grasping at him like a lifeline. 

“Some lifeline,” he muttered to himself. He didn’t know how to help her, things he thought would help only seemed to hurt her more. And as she struggled he did too. The guilt at not getting her back sooner nearly overwhelming him as she sobbed in his arms. He knew there was something more that she wasn’t telling him.   
“Its late” a voice said from the door causing him to jump. Director Coulson came in looking every bit at tired and Fitz felt. “Jemma had a nightmare, I thought maybe a quiet walk would help…but the darkness and shadows only made things worse” he admitted. 

Fitz met his eyes, and Coulson saw the pain he’d seen those weeks ago back in the lab when he’d told him it was time to stop, to let her go. That Fitz felt he had failed. “Hey,” Coulson said doing what he should have done that day in the lab and pulled the young man into an embrace. At first Fitz was tense and frozen, unsure of what to do. But eventually he melted into the Director’s embrace, his shoulders beginning to shake as he let go. His cries were quiet and Coulson could feel the tears seeping into his shirt, doing nothing more than being there for him. It hit Coulson that this was the first time he had seen Fitz completely break down since they’d pulled him from the monolith. Since then he hadn’t allowed himself nor would he ever in front of Jemma. 

“It’s my fault” Fitz finally said slowly pulling away, ignoring the tea kettle now whistling all together. There was a lot of that going around tonight Phil thought bitterly. “I didn’t try hard enough and it’s my fault she suffered for so long…she wouldn’t have even been there if I hadn’t left the room, noticed the door was open…”  
Coulson shook him gently “Fitz, you have to believe me when I say this. There is nothing you could have done, worst case it would have taken you too and none of us would have been able to figure out how to get you two back. No one fought harder to find her than you…if anything it’s my fault. I should have listened to you about opening the case to study it, given you more resources and help. And I should have never told you to let go. I’d already lost Jemma and May…I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you too”.   
Fitz stubbornly shook his head “I don’t know if I’m enough to help her even with Dr. Garner’s help”.

Coulson kicked himself again, how had he not noticed Fitz was hurting so bad. Well he knew how, he’d been so wrapped up with Ward, Rosalind, and the Inhumans that he’d not given the youngest on the team the attention they had desperately needed. “Yes you are,” he pressed “I see her getting better every day, you might not because your so close to it, but I do. She is working in the lab a little more, starting exercising with Bobbi, even managed to go into the kitchen the other day”.

“I’ve been where you are,” he continued offering a small smile at Fitz’s look of surprise. “With May, after Bahrain. I know it can’t compare but the effects are the same. She lost herself in there and the woman that came out was not the one I knew before. So I know right now you feel like you aren’t doing anything right. But you are Fitz, you never gave up on her then and you won’t now. You love her far too much for that.

“I never said…”

“You don’t need too” Coulson said with a small smile. 

Fitz finally offered a watery smile of his own, using his palms to wipe his tears away. “Thank you sir. For everything, especially for not killing me about the whole jumping into an alien portal thing…but I need to get back to Jemma, I’ve already been away too long”.

The tea forgotten, Coulson took a moment to turn off the stove before following the engineer out. “Oh, I haven’t forgotten about that. How about we call it even if you promise to come talk to me, at the very least once a week while Jemma is with Dr. Garner, just you and me. You don’t have to tell me anything she tells you, I just want to talk to you and make sure your still doing okay”.

A real smile appeared “Deal”.

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Jemma felt the tears of frustration welling again, tugging her blanket tighter and regretting letting Fitz go make the tea. No matter how good it sounded at the time, being left alone with her own thoughts and the shadows of the lab was about to set her off. Her frustration that she was like this. Every day on the planet she had dreamed of what it would be like to be home, all the thing she would do. How she had resolved to move forward with Fitz like a normal healthy couple. Instead he spent his days worrying over her, jumping with her at every little sound, losing hours of sleep to chase away her nightmares. It wasn’t fair to him, he had sacrificed so much already and the girl he had rescued was a far cry from the girl he had lost.

She angrily wiped away tears at the sound of approaching footsteps, Fitz had finished the tea in record time. But it wasn’t Fitz standing in the door, it was May. A real smile erupted onto her face and the tears of sadness turned into those of happiness. “May!” she said embracing the older woman tightly.

May held her for a few moments “I’m so happy you are back,” she said taking a seat “and I’m sorry I didn’t get back sooner”. She saw it instantly, the flicker of guilt across the girls face, her red rimmed eyes moving down as if ashamed “Its more that alright, you had other issues to worry about, like taking down Ward”.

“No it wasn’t,” May said gently tilting her chin up to look in her eyes. “Do not for a minute think that you are not worthy of our love and worry….especially Fitz’s”.  
It was like a dam broke, Jemma lips trembling as she threw herself into May’s arms, craving the touch of the woman she’d seen as a second mother. Her words tumbled out between the sobs and were barely perceptible. “But I’m not…I did horrible things May…I did it to survive but they were horrible unforgivable things…selfish things…and I gave up on him! After everything he’d done for me I gave up on him.” 

May rocked her in her arms and rubbed her back as she’d seen Fitz doing on the camera. “its okay, no one can fault you for what you did to survive…”  
“Yes they can!” Jemma hissed her voice suddenly angry but she didn’t move from May’s embrace “It was selfish and I was weak…not strong like you or him and because of it something horrible will happen. Even worse I can’t even bare to admit it”.

“No matter what has been done Jemma, it’s done. And whatever it was kept you alive, got you back to us, back to Fitz. Do you honestly think he cares about anything else right now?” May soothed memories of Bahrain and what she’d had to do flashing before her eyes. “You did good Jemma”. Jemma just continued to cry and what the closest thing she had ever felt to a maternal instinct flared, she wanted to beat something, anything, to a bloody pulp for causing her so much pain. 

Eventually Jemma pulled away, wiping her eyes miserably and burrowing into her blanket. Her eyes were now fitting to the door and May knew who she was looking for. Her engineer should have been back by now, and was never away from her for this long. “Jemma,” May said gently pulling her attention back. Gently she wiped the tears away “You are stronger than you realize, not many people could have survived and you did. While I can’t promise the pain or even guilt will go away it will get better. But if you will allow it, I want to offer a bit of advice”. 

Jemma just nodded. “Don’t shut him out, you need to talk to someone. I have no right to expect it to be me nor should anyone else on the team.” May said “You can talk to Fitz, I know your starting to think you’re a burden to him, that there is no way he would understand, or…” she stumbled “that he could want you after what you have done. But don’t, please don’t make my mistake. I shut Andrew out after, the one person who would have stood by me and I shut him out of my life. Because of that I lost him and myself for a long time”. 

“I can’t…” she stammered.

“You can” May said a bit more forcefully than she wanted. “I’m not saying tonight or even tomorrow, but eventually open up to him. He loves you and he’ll understand”. Jemma just nodded and snuggled into another embrace, loving the feeling of absolute safety she projected. 

May continued to hold her when she could hear footfalls approaching. She knew them well and looked up in time to see Coulson with Fitz in tow. The engineer looked as if he’d been crying as well, eyes red and puffy, though his face was determined until he caught sight of Jemma. 

Jemma peaked out and was on the move the instant she saw him, running and snuggling into his embrace. “Let’s get you to bed” Fitz whispered as he began leading her away. He paused at the door “Thank you again, sir” he said addressing Coulson before giving May a weary smile “And it’s nice to have you back May, we’ve missed you”. 

Coulson waited until their shuffling footsteps had faded, the guilt now pronounced more than ever before. May stepped up and embraced him as well. “They’re strong kids Phil, they’ll be okay, and we’ll make sure of it”.

The End


End file.
